That’s great—it sounds like you had a boss who was supportive and understanding. Trust with bosses can be a tricky thing. It’s definitely easier to build when you have a respectful boss rather than one who’s dismissive or micromanaging.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Been there, done that.
One thing it taught me was to set boundaries from the very beginning, and stick to them. Learning to say "no" to my manager was a turning point in my career.
The other one is to use the continuous improvement pattern in our relationships, through weekly 1:1s where you can share exactly where you are.
One problem you might face at that point is understanding how your manager manages up. If your manager protects you from above, then you can act within the boundaries you've set up. If they simply serve as a relay, and are unable to say no or defend their team's interests, then they won't respect your boundaries. When that happens, run away!
Setting boundaries, saying "no" and sharing progress are crucial. And understanding how they manage up is also critical. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I love the bucket analogy. The understanding the trust is asymmetric is critical, especially for managers. Trust goes both ways, and as managers we need to earn the trust of our team members. However, the lack of symmetry means that we should first *protect* the trust that we already built.
Building a *system* that allows us to be consistent, to avoid dropping the ball in what our members asked of us, etc. are all important to avoid spilling the bucket.
Great article and thanks for sharing your experience!!
I always take feedback on board and learn from my mistakes, but sometimes I wonder how harsh a feedback needs to be.
I’m not speaking from personal experience but a close friend is going through a situation where the feedback she received was quite harsh, and it's causing her to doubt her abilities
It’s great that your friend values feedback, but it should be about growth, not demoralization. Harsh feedback that causes self-doubt is often more destructive than helpful.
Encourage her to ask:
- Is it fair and actionable? Good feedback should help improve, not just criticize.
- Was it delivered with respect? Tone matters as much as content.
- Does it reflect reality or just one opinion? Not all feedback is equally valid.
She should take what’s useful, discard the rest. Growth comes from learning, not being torn down.
Great post with relatable examples. I've definitely seen a change in myself where I'm ready to be my vulnerable now than I was as a young professional. I'm starting to see the side effects of being "too vulnerable" especially as an EM.
It’s very challenging to share negative experience in the past so appreciate you for sharing your story! Glad you have moved on and learned from this. It’s indeed tough to rebuild trust after losing it. My experience is that it needs at least 3-6 months of consistent performance to remove that label of low performance.
From experience, we have lower someone’s ratings purely due to behaviours. And these behaviours are were not acting on feedback and being on the defensive when this topics had come for 3rd 6 month cycle in line.
That’s great—it sounds like you had a boss who was supportive and understanding. Trust with bosses can be a tricky thing. It’s definitely easier to build when you have a respectful boss rather than one who’s dismissive or micromanaging.
That's the case, and it's essential, as you mentioned!
Thank you for sharing your experience. Been there, done that.
One thing it taught me was to set boundaries from the very beginning, and stick to them. Learning to say "no" to my manager was a turning point in my career.
The other one is to use the continuous improvement pattern in our relationships, through weekly 1:1s where you can share exactly where you are.
One problem you might face at that point is understanding how your manager manages up. If your manager protects you from above, then you can act within the boundaries you've set up. If they simply serve as a relay, and are unable to say no or defend their team's interests, then they won't respect your boundaries. When that happens, run away!
Setting boundaries, saying "no" and sharing progress are crucial. And understanding how they manage up is also critical. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Great article, thanks for putting it together!
I love the bucket analogy. The understanding the trust is asymmetric is critical, especially for managers. Trust goes both ways, and as managers we need to earn the trust of our team members. However, the lack of symmetry means that we should first *protect* the trust that we already built.
Building a *system* that allows us to be consistent, to avoid dropping the ball in what our members asked of us, etc. are all important to avoid spilling the bucket.
Exactly, trust goes both ways but is asymmetric. Thanks for your adding your thoughts.
Great article and thanks for sharing your experience!!
I always take feedback on board and learn from my mistakes, but sometimes I wonder how harsh a feedback needs to be.
I’m not speaking from personal experience but a close friend is going through a situation where the feedback she received was quite harsh, and it's causing her to doubt her abilities
It’s great that your friend values feedback, but it should be about growth, not demoralization. Harsh feedback that causes self-doubt is often more destructive than helpful.
Encourage her to ask:
- Is it fair and actionable? Good feedback should help improve, not just criticize.
- Was it delivered with respect? Tone matters as much as content.
- Does it reflect reality or just one opinion? Not all feedback is equally valid.
She should take what’s useful, discard the rest. Growth comes from learning, not being torn down.
Thanks, that’s really great advice 🤗😊
Great post with relatable examples. I've definitely seen a change in myself where I'm ready to be my vulnerable now than I was as a young professional. I'm starting to see the side effects of being "too vulnerable" especially as an EM.
Vulnerability builds trust, and I see a high co-relation with high empathy as well.
Great post. Felt identified with some bullets. Hoping you're considering back to YouTube.
Thank you! I wish I had more time to do so.
It’s very challenging to share negative experience in the past so appreciate you for sharing your story! Glad you have moved on and learned from this. It’s indeed tough to rebuild trust after losing it. My experience is that it needs at least 3-6 months of consistent performance to remove that label of low performance.
Yes, it's though and takes time to rebuild.
In my case I didn't get to the low level, because I was a high performer and the feedback came in promptly, which is critical.
From experience, we have lower someone’s ratings purely due to behaviours. And these behaviours are were not acting on feedback and being on the defensive when this topics had come for 3rd 6 month cycle in line.
Taken feedback seriously and improving on it is more crucial than having some low moments.