How I Lost My Manager’s Trust—and Earned It Back

A Practical Guide to Embracing Vulnerability and Rebuilding Trust

Have you ever seen a promising relationship between a manager and an employee break down? It often comes down to a single missing element: trust.

Trust is what you need to build most with your manager. When trust is absent, even the most skilled and reliable employee can find themselves overlooked, doubted, or micromanaged. Miscommunication increases, priorities become unclear, and your work may not gain the recognition it deserves. When trust is present, everything flows more smoothly. Your manager is more likely to delegate important tasks, listen to your ideas, and support your decisions. You gain autonomy and feel more confident in your role.

But trust is delicate—it’s slow to earn and fast to lose. I learned this the hard way when I broke the trust I had spent years building. This is the story of how I repaired that relationship, and what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.

A Hard Lesson On Trust and Vulnerability

I used to be a model employee in my manager’s eyes, consistently taking on critical initiatives and delivering reliably. However, after experiencing an unusual period of physical and mental health challenges, I thought I had recovered and was back to my usual self. In reality, I hadn’t recognized the lingering effects—and it showed.

My upbringing instilled in me the belief that showing up, no matter what, was a sign of strength and commitment. Admitting weakness or asking for help felt wrong. I was dealing with brain fog and fatigue that severely affected my focus, but I ignored it. Determined to maintain my reputation, I kept saying “yes” to every request, even though I was struggling.

Not admitting my vulnerability turned out to be a critical mistake. Problems arose quickly—I failed to deliver on my commitments and produced lower-quality results. My communication suffered as I scrambled to keep up. My manager, who had always trusted me completely, started doubting my ability to handle my responsibilities. The feedback I received was harsh but deserved. For the first time, I genuinely felt that my job could be at risk.

At that moment, I knew I had to make a change. I chose to be fully transparent with my manager. I explained I was struggling with focus and energy after some health issues, and hadn’t realized how long it would take to be fully back to normal. That conversation became a turning point. Through honesty and vulnerability, I began to rebuild the trust I had lost.

The Trust Bucket

I learned a powerful metaphor about trust from Miguel Carranza: Trust with your manager is like a bucket that starts half-full. Most managers begin by giving their team members the benefit of the doubt. Each action you take either adds drops to this bucket, strengthening trust or drains it, weakening the foundation of your relationship.

• You add drops when you deliver on commitments, communicate effectively, and own up to mistakes early. These small, consistent actions show reliability and build confidence.

• You drain the bucket when you miss deadlines, hide problems, or over-promise and under-deliver. These behaviors create doubt and erode trust.

The more full your bucket is, the more autonomy and confidence your manager will have in you. This will let you take on more responsibilities and grow in your role.

However, as the saying goes, “trust is built in drops and lost in buckets.” Earning trust takes time, but losing it can happen rapidly with one mistake or a few smaller ones. This can undo all the progress made and empty the trust bucket in no time.

The good news is that rebuilding trust isn’t impossible. It requires patience, transparency, and consistent follow-through. By focusing on these, you can refill the bucket, one drop at a time.

“Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets.” — Kevin Plank, founder of Under Armour
― Sarah Drasner, Engineering Management for the Rest of Us

How Trust Is Lost

Losing trust with your manager can happen quickly. Trust takes time to build, but a single mistake or a series of minor mistakes can destroy it overnight. Here are some common pitfalls that speedily drain trust:

1. Over-promising and Under-delivering
   Saying “yes” to too much may seem like a way to prove yourself. However, when you fail to deliver on those promises, it sends a message that you’re unreliable. Missed deadlines, incomplete work, and overestimating your capacity can erode your manager’s confidence in you.

   • Example: Committing to finish a critical task by Friday, only to push it to the next week without warning.

   • How to Avoid: Be realistic about what you can achieve. Under-promise and over-deliver instead.

2. Avoiding Tough Conversations
   When things go wrong, it’s tempting to stay silent or hope the problem resolves itself. But avoiding tough conversations only creates bigger issues down the line. This often leaves managers in the dark, wondering why something failed or assuming you’re hiding more.

   • Example: Staying quiet about a blocker that delays a project, leaving your manager blindsided about it.

   • How to Avoid: Speak up early when problems arise. Proactively communicate risks and provide updates.

3. Hiding Mistakes
   Admitting failure is difficult, but hiding errors damages trust more than the mistake itself. If your manager finds out the truth, they may question your integrity and wonder what else you might be hiding.

   • Example: Discovering a critical bug in your code but not reporting it until someone else finds it.

   • How to Avoid: Admit mistakes promptly. Acknowledge the problem and outline your plan to resolve it.

4. Inconsistent Communication
   Clear communication builds trust; inconsistent or poor communication undermines it. A lack of updates, follow-through, and clear priorities may make you seem unreliable to your manager.

   • Example: Failing to update your manager until the day before a deadline, revealing unexpected delays.

   • How to Avoid: Regularly communicate updates, even if it’s just a quick email or chat.

5. Defensiveness in Feedback
   Managers appreciate team members who are open to growth. However, if you make excuses or become defensive when receiving feedback, it shows that you are not willing to improve or take ownership. This gradually destroys trust in your ability to develop in your role.

   • Example: Rejecting feedback on how to improve with, “That’s how I’ve always done it.”

   • How to Avoid: Listen, acknowledge the value, and commit to action, even if you don’t fully agree.

How to Rebuild Trust

Losing your manager’s trust is something not to fret over. You can rebuild trust, although it takes time and effort. Here are the steps to earn back your manager’s trust:

1. Acknowledge the Problem
   The first step to rebuilding trust is admitting there’s an issue. Be honest with your manager about what went wrong and take accountability for your actions. A sincere apology shows your awareness of the impact and your commitment to change.

   • What to Say: “I realize I’ve been over-committing and not delivering consistently. I take full responsibility and want to work on rebuilding your trust.”

2. Be Transparent and Communicative
   Open communication is essential when someone breaks trust. Keep your manager informed about your workload, challenges, and progress. Over-communicating during this period helps rebuild confidence.

   • Example: Sending regular updates about project milestones, even if there’s no major news to share.

   • Why It Works: Transparency shows that you’re taking responsibility and that you value their trust.

3. Focus on Small Wins
   After a trust breakdown, focus on delivering high-quality results in smaller, manageable tasks. Start with commitments you’re confident you can fulfill and build momentum from there.

   • Example: Completing a straightforward project early and sharing the results with your manager.

   • Why It Works: Consistent delivery shows reliability and rebuilds confidence in your capabilities.

4. Set Realistic Boundaries
   Avoid the temptation to over-commit to redeem yourself. Instead, set clear priorities and realistic expectations. Your manager will appreciate honesty over unrealistic promises.

   • Example: Politely say “no” when your workload is already full and suggest alternative timelines.

   • Why It Works: Showing self-awareness and responsibility helps rebuild respect and trust.

5. Show Patience and Consistency
   Rebuilding trust takes time. You can’t expect your manager to forget a breach of trust immediately, but consistent actions over time will change their perception.

   • What to Remember: We build trust drop by drop. Keep focusing on steady, positive contributions, and let your actions speak louder than words.

Final Thoughts

Trust is essential for building a strong relationship with your manager. It enables you to take on responsibilities, gain autonomy, and grow in your career. However, trust is fragile. It takes consistent effort to build, yet over-committing, hiding mistakes, or poor communication can shatter it in an instant.

Rebuilding trust is challenging, but it’s possible. It begins with acknowledging mistakes and taking responsibility. Transparency, realistic expectations, and delivering small wins progressively restore trust.

Vulnerability also plays a key role. Admitting struggles and asking for help displays authenticity and a willingness to improve, which can strengthen trust. In my experience, trust and vulnerability are closely linked.

Not admitting my limitations nearly cost me my job. However, being honest and owning my mistakes helped me rebuild that trust. If you’re in a similar situation, remember that you can repair trust with patience, effort, and follow-through. The rewards—greater autonomy, respect, and a stronger working relationship—are well worth it.

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