5 Career Truths Your Manager Can’t Tell You

A no-BS guide for engineers and emerging leaders who want to level up.

Every company runs on two playbooks.

There’s the “official” one: the glossy handbook HR gives you on your first day. It’s full of company values, respect guidelines, and rules about how to work well with others.

Then there’s the “real” one: the version shared quietly in leadership chats and back channels. It explains how promotions actually happen, how power shifts, and which behaviors get rewarded, not just praised.

If you’ve ever done great work but felt invisible or stuck, chances are you were following the first playbook while others were following the second.

This article offers a glimpse into that second playbook, the one that actually moves careers forward.

Why Great Engineers Stay Stuck

Have you ever seen someone get promoted while someone else, more technically skilled and harder working, stays stuck?

It happens more often than we like to admit.

The high performer who quietly fixes critical systems gets passed over, while someone with broader visibility and stronger internal alliances moves up.

It’s not because the system is broken. (Sometimes it is, but that’s a topic for a future post.) It’s because performance alone is not enough.

Engineers often believe career growth is all about sharpening technical skills. But in reality, moving beyond your current level requires a different toolkit: agency, influence, visibility, sponsorship, and narrative.

If you want to grow, whether toward leadership, staff roles, or more strategic work, you need to operate differently.

The Unwritten Playbook: Five Rules for Career Growth

Here are five truths I’ve learned the hard way over more than 20 years in tech. These are lessons that can shift how you think about career growth and leadership.

1. Decode What Actually Gets Rewarded

Typical issue

You obsess over clean architecture and solid tests, but leadership celebrates the team that ships scrappy MVPs every week. Or you deliver fast, then get penalized because what really matters is uptime and business metrics like activation rate or revenue impact.

Why it happens

What companies say they value isn’t always what they reward. Some glorify speed. Others reward polish or data-driven outcomes. Promotions follow whatever makes execs look good in the next board deck. If you’re optimizing for the wrong thing, great work still misses the mark.

What to do

• Listen closely to what leaders praise in all-hands and review meetings.

• Ask your manager, “When you say impact, what outcomes actually move the needle?”

• Read recent promotion cases or launch posts to spot repeated success metrics.

• Align your work to one or two visible, measurable outcomes like SLOs, KPIs, or revenue impact.

• If you lead a team: Make the value hierarchy explicit so your team doesn’t aim at the wrong target.

“You can observe a lot by watching.” — Yogi Berra

2. Relationships Matter More Than Output

Typical issue

You deliver high-impact work and your metrics shine, yet someone with average skills gets promoted ahead of you. Engineers and new managers often dismiss networking as fluff and focus only on their own code, sprint, or team.

Why it happens

Promotions turn on perception. In calibration rooms, decisions hinge on stories leaders have heard and the advocates in the room. Coffee chats and Slack banter might feel soft, but they shape the narrative when titles get handed out.

What to do

• Map the people who influence your next promotion: directors, VPs, senior PMs.

• Align your roadmap with the outcomes those leaders care about.

• Ask directly: “Would you support me in the next calibration?”

• Schedule one weekly coffee chat outside your team. Track it like a real task.

• If you lead a team: Rotate engineers through cross-functional work to grow their influence organically.

“Your network is your net worth.” — Porter Gale

3. Your Manager Is Not Your Therapist

Typical issue

You share every frustration with your manager, vent about teammates, and expect them to manage your stress. Then review season hits, and the conversation is only about delivery gaps, not feelings.

Why it happens

The manager-employee relationship is not equal. Your manager is responsible for business outcomes, not your emotional well-being. When decisions must be made, results take priority. Blurred boundaries can also signal poor judgment about what belongs in a professional context.

What to do

• Use one-on-ones to talk about strategy, feedback, and blockers, not personal venting.

• Keep complaints factual and offer possible solutions.

• Build a support network outside your reporting line, such as mentors or trusted peers.

• Ask for feedback on your output, not reassurance.

• If you lead a team: Model clear boundaries and refer personal matters to professional resources like coaches or therapists.

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” — Brené Brown

4. Visibility Beats Hard Work

Typical issue

You stay online long after everyone logs off, polish every edge case, and crush bugs. But months go by with little recognition or credit for your effort.

Why it happens

Results are invisible unless they are shared. Leaders don’t read commit logs. They see dashboards, demos, and (sometimes) meeting notes. When you work quietly, others assume you’re just “keeping the lights on,” not pushing things forward.

What to do

• Share a short weekly update that highlights shipped user value, not hours worked.

• Record two-minute demos and post them before review meetings.

• Tie each update to an outcome like adoption growth or latency drop.

• Ask for clarity checks: “Does this summary make the impact obvious?”

• If you lead a team: Build a culture of demos so visibility doesn’t depend on personality.

“Become a documentarian of what you do.” — Austin Kleon

5. Loyalty Is Not a Career Strategy

Typical issue

You give a company your best years, ignore recruiter pings, and assume strong reviews equal job security. Then a reorg hits, or budgets shrink, and your role disappears overnight.

Why it happens

Companies optimize for quarterly results, not long-term employee tenure. Headcount is a cost, not a promise. Loyalty often flows in one direction. When pressure mounts, even high performers can become expendable.¹

What to do

• Block time weekly to learn new tech such as Generative AI.

• Maintain a public portfolio through side projects or open source.

• Share what you learn with your network through posts, notes, or talks.

• Keep your brag document and résumé updated regularly.

• If you lead a team: Support learning time and celebrate external contributions. An employable team is a resilient one.

“The only job security you have today is your commitment to continuous personal improvement.” — Ken Blanchard

Final Thoughts: Turn Insight Into Impact

The biggest blocker in most tech careers isn’t talent. It’s playing by the wrong rules.

The five truths in this article aren’t tricks. They’re the real dynamics behind promotions, influence, and visibility. But knowing them isn’t enough. What matters is how you respond.

High agency is your edge. It’s the difference between waiting for recognition and creating it, between feeling stuck and taking your next step with intent.

Pick one truth and act on it this week. Book a coffee chat. Ask which metric actually moves the needle. Share a short demo. Small moves, taken with agency, compound into career-defining momentum.

Track what works and what doesn’t. Over time, you’ll build your own playbook. One that travels with you, no matter the company or org chart.

Your turn: What unwritten rule has shaped your career? Share it in the comments and help others see the game more clearly.

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1. Just ask Ron Buckton, who had served Microsoft for 18 years along with his team. Despite helping TypeScript achieve a 10x speed boost in build times and editor responsiveness, he was laid off in May 2025 during a 6,000-person reorg.
Source: Outlook Business